Warm Springs and books

I went to the library today. The librarian probably thought I was insane. I got a few random books but a ton of books having to do with dealing with difficult children, autistic spectrum, self-harm, abuse, being a disabled homemaker, working as a young psychotherapist, etc. 18 books total, it was hard to carry.

sadness…at least I learned a lesson

No dream job. But I understand why a little better now, and even though it REALLY hurts, at least I can learn a lot from the experience. I think even in the last two days there's been some substantial shifting of my psyche!

I have to be careful what I write…haven't determined yet what can be shared…not nearly as much as I'd like to share…but…it's definitely time to start up the job hunt again…

Ouch x infinity

I'm feeling very blog-traumatized right now…just had a nasty experience related to it, job wise…regrouping and thinking and will post sometime soon once I have figured out what to write & and how…want to make sure I don't burn bridges any further than already inadvertently done…ugh, it's all very sad and disappointing.

In the meantime, here is a picture of Lester that my friend Sarah did, I LOVE IT/HER. Very cheering. 🙂

So, yeah….posting soon once I have words.

Preparing for the NBCOT exam

I passed! I was asked by many to give some tips. Here is a start.
NOTE: I originally posted this a while back and got an almost immedaiate anonymous comment that this could be considered proprietary information. This freaked me out and I took it down, but now that I’m re-reading it, I don’t see how any of this is proprietary. I used my own opinion on studying, and on the stuff I talk about such as MAOIs, akathisia – I bring it up because in every possible study book, nbcot or not, they talked about such things! So…..yeah. I’m posting it again for now…..

Beauty in unexpected places….

I was thinking about my 3-month fieldwork on a locked ward..acute geriatric psychiatric…and how one day, a single daffodil appeared, that a daughter had picked for her mother…that single flower sat in a water glass for days… and on a unit like that, its beauty was so much more…synergistic I guess, than it would be anywhere els. The start of a poem popped into my head at like 3am last night and then I just wrote it up in a few minutes so NO HATING, I ain’t no Wordsworth. Now I’m going to go try and figure out my new Macbook and try to wake up. It’s been a rough couple of days!!

The Solitary Daffodil

Inside a locked ward
there are no pleasantries
Days march grimly on
survival the only goal

The mutters of the schizophrenics
the howls of the psychotics
the sobs of the demented
will drown your ears
in a cacaphony of sorrow

Senses are assaulted
the salty taste of fear
the tinny scent of sweat
the scurrying nurses

Everywhere you look
is cold, industrial
fluorescent lights
concrete
impersonality

One day there is
a floral miracle.
A singular daffodil
trembling shyly
leaning against its water glass cage

A priceless gift
carefully picked
offered in peace
by an enterprising young visitor

It is the first sign of life
that many have seen in days
weeks
or months
a glorious gesture

This solitary daffodil
timidly luminous
a beacon of hope
is for many
the spring of healing

*daffodil from google, not me

So tiny-tiny you have to close your eyes to see it…

This beautiful story popped into mind…Sandra Cisneros writes hauntingly beautiful vignettes…this one is about her 11th birthday and while it's not my birthday and I'm obviously not eleven, the emotions are the same.

This is one of my favorite lines from the story and also one of my favorite quotes, period…I first read it in 7th grade, a lifetime ago, but sometimes this line pops into my head because it's a rather universal feeling.

” I'm eleven today. I'm eleven, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, and one, but I wish I was one hundred and two. I wish I was anything but eleven, because I want today to be far away already, far away like a runaway balloon, like a tiny o in the sky, so tiny-tiny you have to close your eyes to see it.”

Swirls of thoughts…waiting to hear from interview

::edited to delete first few paragraphs::Today I woke up in a “dark place”. Was just very sad. Cried even. I had woken up from a really disturbing dream where I was really upset about the mistaken actions of another person that really affected my chances at a dream job!!! When in that dark place, it’s hard to remember hope and faith and the value of a journey. It’s easier to focus on the negatives and to wallow in self-absorbed pity for a while! Oh well, I’m up now with the windows open, letting the sunshine soak in and fill the dark voids. Lester is snoring at my feet.

The last few weeks have been quite whirlwindy. I studied hard for boards, took boards, went on a fast roadtrip to check out some potential places to live (had a great time), came back and my family showed up that day for graduation, graduated and entertained family for first time in 4 years (since my undergrad graduation) for several days, found out I passed boards and got an interview with dream job of pediatric cancer hospital, prepared for interview, and took it yesterday. Now I’m a little lost! I shouldn’t be, because there is so much to catch up on, so much to do.

I want to write. I don’t know what, exactly, but I want to write. Not peer-reviewed rigourous research or anything – just stories. I want the words to march out my brain and dance off my finger tips and be GONE. Too many words and memories scattered in my brain. I need a “Pensive” like in the Harry Potter books…where I can tap against my head and remove gooey memories, place them elsewhere for safekeeping until I’m ready to examine them.

My fingers are pausing on the keyboard because I have about fifty thoughts tornadoing all at once, all fighting for the same space. Basically I have a lot to do and no motivation to do it…time to start prioritizing, making goals,and then using the timer method to just get them dealt with, I guess. But for now, I think I’m just going to keep sitting here, eating honey nut cheerios and re-skimming a bizarre novel, Life of Pi. The real world can wait just a little longer.

Interview on Friday…gearing up for it…

I HAVE AN INTERVIEW ON FRIDAY FOR MY DREAM JOB

So I just posted this in OT Connections and here now too. Pictures/video to come.

I graduated on Friday and found out I passed boards on Sunday! It really wasn't that bad. I know of four other classmates that took the test within the same week and they all also passed.

Now I have an interview at a local pediatric cancer hospital on Friday – a dream job – and I AM SO EXCITED/NERVOUS. I am going to prepare like a fiend the next few days, researching everything I can about it so that I am as knowledgeable as possible. I'm also going to come up with tons of answers to typical interview questions. And I'm going to pseudo interview with good friends. And I need an outfit…can't forget the outfit.

So…my family flew in from California for the Memphis graduation and most of them left Sunday but my mom leaves early tomorrow morning…then it's focus, focus, focus on this interview. I hope it all goes well. Exciting/scary times! Why don't they sell Xanax in bulk? KIDDING.

Hmm. Maybe I should list “inappropriateness” as one of my flaws.

Wish me luck! This job would be an amazing opportunity, especially as a new graduate!