Babygirl was only 3 weeks old and crying. Went in and saw she had a Rapoogl (spelling?) which means some careful maneuvering, but then I realized that um, it appeared she had completely pulled the line out of herself, as all the tape around her face was messed up and the line was sitting in the crib when I’m pretty sure it is supposed to be down her nose. …

So I help hold baby’s hands down while a nurse comes in (not her normal nurse since her normal one was at lunch) and re-inserts the thing through her nose all the way down into her stomach. Held her for a while but was a little uneasy as it didn’t appear the thing was working quite right. A pediatric surgeon doing his rounds came in and checked on her though and I mentioned it didn’t seem to be suctioning well but he said the stuff was just really thick and it was okay.

Next child, baby boy, was 3 and a half months old and cute as can be. He was getting a G-tube feeding so couldn’t be held, but he was wide awake and curious/active so I entertained him a long time. The nurse was telling me how the other day he started smiling and cooing at her and she was like Stop it! Stop smiling at me! I have to go! And it suddenly occurred to me that in some ways, a smiley engaging baby can be a hardship for nurses, because they are almost always in a hurry – so a baby that really wants attention/sweetness kinda tugs at their heart because they don’t have the time. Passive babies are easier because they don’t demand anything from you besides the basic care. You don’t feel guilty running in and out jsut doing procedures/medication/feeding because the child doesn’t engage/seem to care. It seems like a lot of babies stuck in the care units tend to become passive over time- they learn they have no control over anything, as they are often subjected to painful medical procedures they can do nothing about, and just don’t really even try anymore. These babies have to be taught to care, kinda. Like to show them a little ball near them is something they can reach for and have control over, not just watch passively. I mourn for children who are born with conditions like gastroschisis – with intestines outside of body – because the baby ends up in the hospital for at least a month if not much longer…if I were to have a baby that had to stay long-term in hospital, I’d do anything in my power to ensure someone was with him at all times because I have seen how hospitals run – even the best nurses are over-stressed, over-tired, over-run, over-scheduled, and it’s just easy to make mistakes or to miss things. I know most of the parents do not have the resources to afford this luxury and I’m sure I wouldn’t either, but it would kill me to know my baby was in the hands of others.

Anyway, I sang and massaged the little baby for a loong time and finally he fell asleep. I love these babies.