So for the first time in at least six weeks I’m somewhat caught up on blogs, ie at least skimmed or glanced….i read a lot of doc blogs, nurse blogs, disability blogs (by ppl w/ disability or by parent of kid w/ disability), OT blogs, friend blogs, etc, so it’s a diverse combo…not to mention humor or art blogs like Postsecret, overheard in office, etc. My brain works obsessively and it doesn’t matter what I look at, I (not consciously, it just happens) think about its relation to OT…which I guess makes me holistic, but also crazy…;) I don’t think I literally have OCD by any means, but it is truly and honestly PAINFUL at times to make the decision to delete something without opening it, or to not read something closely – it’s like throwing valuable words away and it makes me cringe.

It’s irrational, kinda like touching a doorknob three times (stares pointedly at anonymous friend). Like yeah, maybe I’ll still be a good person even if I don’t know the specifics of working in bariatric wards of hospitals, or didn’t read up on backpack awareness day ideas (September 17th, get ready), or only skimmed someone’s opinion on the FIM (BOO HISS EVIL), but it literally (okay figuratively, to be more precise, but literally sounds cooler) singes my neurons to know I’m a word litterbug. Words! I could have read! And absorbed! Yet consciously chose to ignore! Oh! The Pain! The Concepts and Facts I Just Threw Away!

I was thinking today that I’m already burnt out somewhat on actually treating kids regularly. The COTA has a long schedule of kids and it stresses me out when my schedule looks like hers with like 8 kids in a row. Tomorrow I have four and I’m not thrilled about it, except I do want to plan an art therapy session on self-expression for a particular little boy, but ANYWAY, I think I like WRITING about experiences and being NEAR experiences rather than actually HAVING experiences. At least not having those experiences 40 hours a week, LOL.

Last night I was thinking about how I could write children’s books geared at OT (a la “Imogene’s Antlers”) or invent toys or do something FOR the profession because my passion for it is all-consuming, but I think I’d burn out in about three seconds being a clinician full-time, no matter what population I worked with.

I also think that while COTAs and OTs have lots of similarities, that a lot more “doers” become COTAs and a lot more “thinkers” become OTs…which I guess is profoundly self-evident but a new realization for me. I dunno. Just rambling

I had a TON of tea today (I keep forgetting it’s caffeinated :(((( ) so it’s 335am and I’m still awake…not feeling social though tonight, so for those of you who are invariably going to fuss at me for not chatting….sorry. LOL. I’ll share my thoughts with the world, that doesn’t hurt my brain, but the thought of interacting singularly tonight, does hurt it! Lester is curled up against me doing his goose snorfles. Guess I’ll try to sleep now….I don’t have to be at clinic until 1pm tomorrow because of the 7pms on Tues and Thursdays, so good thing I have nothing planned besides sleep, catching up on some e-mails/Facebook, and then apparently maybe getting my brake light fixed, since my COTA informed me one of the lights are out, and those Mississippians cops are BRUTAL when it comes to such things! Maybe I just need some brake light fluid… ha ha ha. I’m kidding, I swear. I think.