nightmares! real world too scary to face!!

Having nightmares. Feeling like stomach swooping on a roller coaster and heart racing. One of the nightmares has become recurrent, where I have to somehow navigate past a rapidly spinning/moving obstacle that others seem to bypass easily but I can't figure out. I get scared I'm about to be squooshed to death or something. My other nightmare was actually rather amusing as while it was scary, it did involve Rainbow Brite/Care Bears teams fighting against each other in a star battle in a mall.

A lot of my nightmares – I unfortunately have a ton – have to do with crawling or getting through a tiny space which brings out massive claustrophobia and fear and make me feel like I can't breathe. FUN!

Anyways, I woke up around 345am with my heart racing from several of the nightmares and now it's 532am and I still feel icky!

I think these nightmares just reflect board exam/job process stuff/prospect of moving soon. I've been in Memphis almost 10 years now – my entire adult life (17 to 26) – and it's all I feel familar with. But there is NO JOB in Memphis that appeals to me besides a hard-to-procure position at the pediatric cancer hospital. I love to volunteer at the other local great peds hospital, but A) they're not really hiring and B) I've spent enough time there to know I have personality conflicts with some of the rehab staff, making me feel like I'm back in high school as a total loser!!

Anyway…I've been studying for boards quite a bit, some alone and some with classmates, trying to stay active (I'm a couch sweet potato), and that's the focus these days. I did finally finish my Christmas thank you notes, LOL.

ONE DAY I will catch up on life. But I've been telling myself this for years. I guess it's not possible. Maybe if I take a tiny bit of speed for like, 3 days, I could catch up. JUST KIDDING…….but wouldn't it be cool to take a pill and get all your chores done quickly and easily?!

ANYWAY AGAIN. I guess I'm going to attempt to sleep some/rest. I can hear Lester snoring. HE IS SO CUTE. Anytime I have something in my hands he tries to investigate to see if it's food for him. Which is so adorable since he stands up on hind legs and tentatively puts a paw out, that I have to go get him food, popping the dry bits into his mouth as he enthusiastically chomps. I guess rewarding him for his behavior reinforces it but that's okay with me.

I think I may be slightly delirious. Maybe soon I'll post a really really good and articulate post…..just kidding, we all know that's impossible.

Good night, or I mean good morning….

May 13, 2009 | Category: Occupational Therapy | Comments: 3

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