Swirls of thoughts…waiting to hear from interview
::edited to delete first few paragraphs::Today I woke up in a “dark place”. Was just very sad. Cried even. I had woken up from a really disturbing dream where I was really upset about the mistaken actions of another person that really affected my chances at a dream job!!! When in that dark place, it’s hard to remember hope and faith and the value of a journey. It’s easier to focus on the negatives and to wallow in self-absorbed pity for a while! Oh well, I’m up now with the windows open, letting the sunshine soak in and fill the dark voids. Lester is snoring at my feet.
The last few weeks have been quite whirlwindy. I studied hard for boards, took boards, went on a fast roadtrip to check out some potential places to live (had a great time), came back and my family showed up that day for graduation, graduated and entertained family for first time in 4 years (since my undergrad graduation) for several days, found out I passed boards and got an interview with dream job of pediatric cancer hospital, prepared for interview, and took it yesterday. Now I’m a little lost! I shouldn’t be, because there is so much to catch up on, so much to do.
I want to write. I don’t know what, exactly, but I want to write. Not peer-reviewed rigourous research or anything – just stories. I want the words to march out my brain and dance off my finger tips and be GONE. Too many words and memories scattered in my brain. I need a “Pensive” like in the Harry Potter books…where I can tap against my head and remove gooey memories, place them elsewhere for safekeeping until I’m ready to examine them.
My fingers are pausing on the keyboard because I have about fifty thoughts tornadoing all at once, all fighting for the same space. Basically I have a lot to do and no motivation to do it…time to start prioritizing, making goals,and then using the timer method to just get them dealt with, I guess. But for now, I think I’m just going to keep sitting here, eating honey nut cheerios and re-skimming a bizarre novel, Life of Pi. The real world can wait just a little longer.