So tiny-tiny you have to close your eyes to see it…

This beautiful story popped into mind…Sandra Cisneros writes hauntingly beautiful vignettes…this one is about her 11th birthday and while it's not my birthday and I'm obviously not eleven, the emotions are the same.

This is one of my favorite lines from the story and also one of my favorite quotes, period…I first read it in 7th grade, a lifetime ago, but sometimes this line pops into my head because it's a rather universal feeling.

” I'm eleven today. I'm eleven, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, and one, but I wish I was one hundred and two. I wish I was anything but eleven, because I want today to be far away already, far away like a runaway balloon, like a tiny o in the sky, so tiny-tiny you have to close your eyes to see it.”

Swirls of thoughts…waiting to hear from interview

::edited to delete first few paragraphs::Today I woke up in a “dark place”. Was just very sad. Cried even. I had woken up from a really disturbing dream where I was really upset about the mistaken actions of another person that really affected my chances at a dream job!!! When in that dark place, it’s hard to remember hope and faith and the value of a journey. It’s easier to focus on the negatives and to wallow in self-absorbed pity for a while! Oh well, I’m up now with the windows open, letting the sunshine soak in and fill the dark voids. Lester is snoring at my feet.

The last few weeks have been quite whirlwindy. I studied hard for boards, took boards, went on a fast roadtrip to check out some potential places to live (had a great time), came back and my family showed up that day for graduation, graduated and entertained family for first time in 4 years (since my undergrad graduation) for several days, found out I passed boards and got an interview with dream job of pediatric cancer hospital, prepared for interview, and took it yesterday. Now I’m a little lost! I shouldn’t be, because there is so much to catch up on, so much to do.

I want to write. I don’t know what, exactly, but I want to write. Not peer-reviewed rigourous research or anything – just stories. I want the words to march out my brain and dance off my finger tips and be GONE. Too many words and memories scattered in my brain. I need a “Pensive” like in the Harry Potter books…where I can tap against my head and remove gooey memories, place them elsewhere for safekeeping until I’m ready to examine them.

My fingers are pausing on the keyboard because I have about fifty thoughts tornadoing all at once, all fighting for the same space. Basically I have a lot to do and no motivation to do it…time to start prioritizing, making goals,and then using the timer method to just get them dealt with, I guess. But for now, I think I’m just going to keep sitting here, eating honey nut cheerios and re-skimming a bizarre novel, Life of Pi. The real world can wait just a little longer.

Interview on Friday…gearing up for it…

I HAVE AN INTERVIEW ON FRIDAY FOR MY DREAM JOB

So I just posted this in OT Connections and here now too. Pictures/video to come.

I graduated on Friday and found out I passed boards on Sunday! It really wasn't that bad. I know of four other classmates that took the test within the same week and they all also passed.

Now I have an interview at a local pediatric cancer hospital on Friday – a dream job – and I AM SO EXCITED/NERVOUS. I am going to prepare like a fiend the next few days, researching everything I can about it so that I am as knowledgeable as possible. I'm also going to come up with tons of answers to typical interview questions. And I'm going to pseudo interview with good friends. And I need an outfit…can't forget the outfit.

So…my family flew in from California for the Memphis graduation and most of them left Sunday but my mom leaves early tomorrow morning…then it's focus, focus, focus on this interview. I hope it all goes well. Exciting/scary times! Why don't they sell Xanax in bulk? KIDDING.

Hmm. Maybe I should list “inappropriateness” as one of my flaws.

Wish me luck! This job would be an amazing opportunity, especially as a new graduate!

I PASSED MY BOARDS – AND GRADUATED.

A) I graduated, with my family and some friends present (except sister in CA).
B) I was inducted into Alpha Eta (a somewhat prestigious allied health honor society), Ihmotep (sp? honor society) members were re-honored, AND I won a special leadership award!!!!
C) I PASSED MY BOARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More soon! Got a lot to do and Mom is still here two more days!!

Twitter or Study the night before boards: hmmm

So my Facebook and Twitter account are filled with choruses of “Go to bed” as my big GIANT BIGGEST EXAM EVER is tomorrow. But see, I am smart, and knew there was no way I could fall asleep easily so I deliberately scheduled my exam for 1pm.

In the meantime, I discovered Sockington, the famous Twittering cat, and it irritated me because LESTER THE LION KITTY is WAY better and so in a fit of rage I made him his own Twitter account and SOCKINGTON IS GOING DOWN.

This was my supportive friend Angela's comment on making Lester his own Twitter account (follow him as LesterLionKitty): “Angela:  yes – and then he's going to kick your ass because you didn't go to sleep and you failed your boards and now he has to live in a cardboard box under a bridge and use generic kitty litter that you can afford to buy for him with your dimes

Thanks Angela for the kind words.
I've studied on and off all day today, my brain is saturated. I am going to look at some MET levels (did you know you can't safely resume sexual activity until a MET level of I think 6 to 7?) and then maybe go to bed. Hmm.

NBCOT Exam tomorrow.

Taking the NBCOT exam tomorow – Saturday, 1pm.

Studying a lot, but the more I study the more I know there is more I should study. When I take tests I tend to get like, 480s….I wish it wasn't quite so close to 450, but it should be far enough unless I get really unlucky with questions. Let's hope not.

Am trying not to get too antsy or nervous, although I know falling asleep tonight might be hard. Can't wait for tomorrow afternoon to be over.

We've studied too much

Allison:  ahhhhhahahahaha

Quick note…

Take boards Saturday, studying a lot right now. Need to go run some important errands but the rest of the day needs to be devoted to studying.

I've been studying with others and I think it helps in this case, although I am not normally a social studier. I have some tips, thoughts, etc on how to study, failure rate, etc, to share later on today. But for now have to run even though I'd much rather sit inside in air conditioning, rather than go do errands out in the BLASTING THIRD DEGREE HEAT OH THE PAIN NOOOOOOOOO.

Also, I got the nicest “fan mail” I've ever gotten re blogging, from a long-term reader, who let me know she got through some of her worst times partially because of my honesty on this blog. I've been criticized before by friends/family/whoever, for publicly writing about the struggles I had going through OT school in terms of anxiety disorder and such, who said that was too private…but I've always somewhat disagreed and knowing that EVEN ONE PERSON was helped by my sharing, means it was all worth it. So, IN YOUR FACE…..just kidding. Kinda.

Anyway, I need to stop procrastinating, go face the HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HEAT I AM MELTING, and come home so I can study the night away in a haze of akathisia, tardive dyskinesia, dysdiadochokinesia, cognitive levels, spinal cord injuries, spina bifida, frames of references, self actualization, and so on. But I do plan to blog tonight on the exam, I feel inspired.

Hope all y'all readers are having fun graduating, starting OT school, finding jobs, whatever it is you are doing. Hi Mom.

Studying nonstop for a few more days

At this point studying 5+ hours a day …my brain and eyes hurting…but I WILL PASS.

Today's controversy was on Benediction's sign: median or ulnar? Go research it.

I take the NBCOT exam on SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

My classmate Kerri takes it TOMORROW morning. Send good vibes.